Living can be an uncomfortable experience. sometimes I reach out to things for comfort, like food, like lint, like people. sometimes I stay there so long what gave me a warm feeling of comfort turns into numbness and I go onto the next thing and two minutes into the next thing I wake up: "This isn't the life I want to live!" Sometimes it is my physical and mental tiredness weighing on the feeling that I "need to" or "should" be doing SOMETHING that brings me to this space, sometimes it is life cycles, pms etc. Somewhere in that mosh pit of feeling questions flail, and I wonder what my reason is to stay here amidst the world falling apart inside and outside.
A few weeks ago I learned that my privacy was violated and I was stunned. Where did this come from? and why was this happening? Were there any indicators that I saw leading up to this? That could have led someone to do this? Did I do this? No. Why me, then?
The administrative response to the situation was to reach out to the parent of the child for a conversation. Once that conversation was had, dude came back to us to say, they just want to sweep it under the rug. When I heard this I was livid! What do you MEAN sweep it under the rug? What good, what real good does that do for anybody involved. I couldn't believe that a parent would choose this for their child and especially a parent that holds so much political power. I thought, if this is what you choose to do here, what is driving the decisions you are making as a politician? The crazier part? That whole time I was focused on this parent and child when the organization that it happened with is implicated too. By coming back to us with this news, they also made a choice. I was learning about who they were and types of things they allow to happen within their programs.
That is and was tough to swallow. I know it isn't personal. And it makes me sad to think that there are so many people showing up to do the things we say we want to do, and don't do the thing because of fear or do it half way because of fear or sweep shit under the rug because of fear. Damn. And in all of that it was more indictment for myself. I say I wanna wordsmith, I want to freestyle, I want to perform on huge stations in front of nations of people but my are eyes shut. I mumble out of fear to be heard, I stayed seated at open mics waiting for someone to call on me, I shy away from sharing my writing.
So I opened my eyes at the Parkway set on Friday and it wasn't so bad. I gripped the mic and felt steady. I came to sit and write out this prompt/life update and after I read it through a few times I'll press send.
For as long as I can remember, I've used writing and music to process how I'm feeling. So I wrote about this experience, a week later I heard the melody and now I have a draft of a song that I'm working on producing. In this space of relative silence, so much has come forth from inside me. How do I ascribe value to my experiences? In the lapse of justice, what does this situation mean? How am I feeling? How is my body reacting? What do I take from this?
That brings me to the first prompt of the season :
--- Getting Started ---
List 10 experiences that you consider trivial.
List 10 experiences that had a profound impact on your life.
Without using a dollar amount or any other type of currency, name and set the value of these experience.
Our first session of this season will be in-person on August 12 at 1:30pm at 712 Broadway Avenue in McKees Rocks, PA ! On Saturday we'll focus on writing and workshopping what we have. Shortly, after the bonus prompt will drop.
See you there!